institutionalized
Well, finally back. Please excuse me for anything that doesn’t make sense… I haven’t written for a while and it’s pretty early right now. I’ve been back in classes for a week now, (those of you starting today, feel blessed) but I guess I’ve been doing some thinking and I feel utterly “trapped” in ways. I’m back in my educational institution of choice, here to bring my GPA back up such that I don’t get kicked out of my program. Sometimes the hardest part of doing all this is really not knowing where I’m headed in the future. To have goals not exactly in line with what I’m doing now really has its toll on my original goals. I’ve really adopted a set of new goals (hopefully temporarily) just because I need to change my focuses right now to stay institutionalized.
I’m no expert on the topic of institutions… or on many things for that matter, but I just find it interesting… or rather weird how society developed so much in such a short period. It was only during my grandpa’s time when everyone had a “trade” profession, taught by a parent or by a mentor of sorts. What happened to those days? I wouldn’t say it’s the cause but through things like school, where the ‘elite’ of society only survive, we’re creating larger and larger gaps between the poor and the rich. Even for myself I find myself gaining an awful sense of pride over some other people, who may not be in as prestigious a program, or university.
I’m not quite too sure where I’m going with this all, but I guess the reason I feel somewhat trapped is that I always saw myself as some sort of ‘free spirit’. I feel as if my life is getting taken away by school. Yes, of course I love it here, the people I meet and the times I have, and I’m not even too sure where I’d be if not for school. In general I hate the whole institutionalized society. I hate it because I know that it is killing me to live in four month sections, living and working to attain some numbers that are supposed to tell me who I am. Am I worthy to graduate? Do I have what it takes to live in the business world? Am I more than ‘the rest of society’? All these questions… and they supposedly have simple answers: numbers. Two digits numbers that tell me who I am. It just hurts to live for that. If I had a choice, of course I’d go for something else, but I’m here. This is society today, and it’d all be in vain to try and bring back the old times. Times of a simpler life, without all the hate, all the crime, all the killing, all the attitude. Oh, how sweet it would be to get away from all this attitude people have adopted these days.
I REALLY don’t know where I’m going with this whole thing… I guess I wanted to mention the institutionalization of the church as well. I find that the church tends to be one of the last things to jump onto societal bandwagons, I guess because they are so strong to hold traditions, but in a sense, I guess you can consider the church as some sort of measure of society then. The church itself has become an institution now. We have titles, designations and requirements for the church now. I’m not saying that the church is wrong for this, to want pastors who have their masters of divinity, of course you’ll find better picks out of the litter when made exclusive, but really, I’m tired of living for these titles and reputations. Yes, it’s probably nearly impossible to find many churches that have committees that leave everything “open for God”. We need to have a say, we need to use our logic, our discernment and our judgment. But since when have we been logical, been good at discerning, or been righteous with our judgments. Yes… it’s important, and I guess it was inevitable, or else we’d keep hearing about homosexual pedophiliac pastors and priests. Sigh. Well now I really don’t know where I’m going with this. Downfall of society, veil of distortion put over our eyes and the reluctance to think twice about all that we’re living for… something like that I suppose.
I think it’s somewhat futile to be talking about this anyways. I don’t believe that God has put me here to bring back the ‘old ways’. I think that in itself is futile. But I’m here now, so what can I do? That’s my question now I suppose. Something I learned over the weekend, I think over the radio, but, the term apostle means ‘to be sent’ in translation. I’m not 100% sure but I think I remember hearing that the translation of disciple means ‘to follow’… I suppose that makes sense. For anyone reading this seeking some spiritual food you guys can chew on (I’m surprised you’re actually reading my blog in the first place :p… but thanks) but the question is. When will you, or when have you made the transition from disciple to apostle. Yes, we are all called to be disciples. Jesus had thousands upon thousands of disciples, but don’t be confused, he only had twelve apostles. He only ‘sent out’ those twelve to change nations. Now, are you ready to make the transition?
