reckless abandon
Imagine yourself in a place… a large place. This place is dimly lit with the colorful lights of dawn pouring throw the artistically stained windows. The ceiling is high and beautifully crafted, just like the walls and supporting pillars. Yes, you’re in a church. Many times we find ourselves inside a church for two different types of occasions. 1. It is a joyous occasion, a wedding, baptism, youth night, Sunday service (for some of us), etc, or 2. A time of sadness, a funeral, or a Sunday service (for the rest of you). Guess why you’re here today, yup, you got it, the taming sound of mourning fills the air. You stand and look around, many faces you’ve seen before, they were there… There with you that day when a friend, greatly dear to you was lost, lost to you, your friends and to the world.
You find yourself at a loss for words, and you’re not quite too sure what you should be feeling right now. Your first instinct is to feel saddened, so your eyes water slightly. Then the gut wrenching pain of anger fills your veins, and you can’t help but think, “Why not me? Why couldn’t I take his place? He was so much more deserving to continue on with life.” Once the adrenalin fades, you finally realize it’s hopeless and want to break down on your knees in tears… He left so suddenly, no one could have seen it coming, why why why? WHY do I feel so lost? Why? Because you devoted your life to Him.
I’m sorry, I lied about the ‘being in a church’ part, but the feeling is the same. If you haven’t guessed yet, you’re an apostle of Christ, yup, one of the eleven who sat in a dank, damp, dark little room after the death of the one you called ‘Lord’. The day is Saturday, and it could just as well have been any other day, but you’d still feel the same; lost, scared and at a loss for words. All this because you don’t know what else to do, what else is there to do? Someone who was more than a friend and more than a king to you was just murdered.
You thought you had it that time, you felt like you were so close, he was so different, the children were fond of him… The poor too… also the prostitutes and tax-collectors… when you come to think of it, it seems all in a haze why you were also so fond of him… it was just that feeling he gave… almost as if… he had the answer to life. And you really thought he did… until… until Friday came…
That was it, it was all over, what was left to do but hide in this dark room. Can’t go back to our old jobs… collecting taxes would seem too unfulfilling… the fishnets would just remind you too much of our recently departed friend… and there was absolutely no way you could continue to follow a dead God. Who ever heard of a dead God in the first place? Thoughts like “What a fool I must have been to believe Him”… “A God on earth? He was a carpenter for Christ’s sake! (no pun intended)” must be plaguing your mind. This emotional roller coaster, plaguing you all day, what is a person to do?
It’s Sunday now, and you decide that it’s best to finally take a deep breath and continue on, because really, what else is there left for you to do with this dead God. You finally stand up and start heading for the door, and as you reach for the handle it bursts open. “GONE!!! GONE!!! He Has RISEN!!!” just like all your doubt in that split second you heard the news, His body was gone from the burial site. He really must have risen, risen and taken away your fear, your doubt, and your uncertainty. You feel renewed again, almost as if he was standing there beside you again, speaking with his clean, crisp voice. Everything is good again, better than good really; you’re reassured, confident and ready to take on the world. Why? Because today is Sunday.
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