make me...
Lord, it seems as if I have reached a dead end in my life now. I don’t know where to go. It’s not that it’s a dead-end… it’s more like I lead myself into a four sided confinement. I remember a long long time ago, when I was very much so a baby Christian, I remember just praying for someone, a sort of prophetic prayer for them, and reminding them: When we feel trapped, and the walls are closing in around us, we always have a way out. And that’s upwards. God is there to help us out. But I still feel trapped.
Lord, I trust you. I guess it feels like a humungo maze. I’m lost and it feels like I’ve been running this maze for so long now. But I know you’re up there. And I trust you. Not because I know you see me on a different level. Not that you’re up there and you can see my path out. I trust you because you’ve lead me out of situations like this before. I trust you because I know it’s in your character to be there for me. Because I know you love me and I’ll embrace that. But I still feel lost.
Lord, I want to be all I can for you. Over dinner I was talking about life in general, and mentioned how short life is. We’re here, we die and we’re gone. In this short time I have, I want to do something great… I’m not willing to take the risk of doing something that I’ll look on in shame for the rest of eternity. I want to regret nothing, give it my all, run the race with deep perseverance and never give in. I want to be more than everyone thought me out to be. But I always cut you short.
Lord, I want to leave a legacy. When I die, I want people to see, to see how great you are. How great you were in my life. No, I couldn’t care less for the title, I’ll be dead anyways. But I want to leave something for people to benchmark. Maybe I’ll be their role model, their mentor, or guide. Hopefully people will use what I left, and surpass it. I want to leave something behind that was worth the pains and struggles of today. But I find it hard to even see myself as a good Christian sometimes.
Lord… It’s not you… definitely not, it wouldn’t be. It’s me, I cut you short, I underestimate your ability, and I ignore your advice for my life. Lord, make me an apostle. I want to show you, I can overcome the dead ends, I can find me way through the maze, I can run the race of perseverance and I most definitely will leave a legacy of you behind when I’m gone. I proclaim it now, none of this is for me, this is for You. I owe you too much to let up now. Lord, all I have is from you. Make me so that all I have to offer to others is you.
Lord, make me more.
